My Wine Gave Me Cancer? NOOOOOO!
"I've never once said, 'I'm so glad I had that glass of wine/cocktail/pitcher of beer,' ever."
It's a Monday afternoon and I've already had a glass of Chardonnay because a beloved friend is visiting, the husband is working at home, and we are enjoying the backyard -- in Los Angeles, right now, it's a beautiful, glistening Spring day. In the back of my mind however, with every glass of wine that I've had since last week, lingers this article in Mother Jones by Stephanie Mencimer that I read, and reread, titled "Did Drinking Give Me Breast Cancer?"
Since 2006, and honestly, even before, I've had a love/hate relationship with the Demon Alcohol. As I tell my 15-year-old daughter, "I've never once said, 'I'm so glad I had that glass of wine/cocktail/pitcher of beer,' ever." I still am not ever glad I had that drink. Even right this very second, writing with a slight buzz now that one drink alters my reality because I am a "one drink Millie,"* am I "GLAD" that I had a glass of wine. First sip: delightful. Bottom of glass, sadness. I am not a sipper and I never have been. I had my first drink when I was a young girl -- my father, a Hungarian, believed that children should taste wine with dinner. No, we weren't given an entire glass. However, I was handed, by him, a six pack of Mickey's Big Mouth on the eve of high school graduation in Melbourne, Florida so that I wouldn't be "drinking shitty beer."
I, and many in my family, come from a long line of alcoholics. It is a joke I tell often, with a tumbler of scotch in my hand that I am obviously not sipping. My maternal uncle was rescued in a hotel room filled with empty vodka bottles a few months after my wedding and his 48th birthday only to die in a hospital room a few months later when his sisters deemed that he should be taken off of life support because his kidneys and liver would never recover. My grandfather nearly died when he set his car on fire with his cigarette in the driveway after passing out drunk in his car. My father and the Hungarian side of my family battle the drink, constantly, or not, it seems. I've quit drinking for years or months or weeks only to start again just because it's sunny out and a margarita would be fantastic. I have vacillated between heavy drinking (in my late 20s) to teetotaling (during and after cancer and several times since). I am as often the non-drinker at the party as I am the initiator of cocktail hour.
Did Mencimer's article make me pause? Fuck yeah. Did the article make me stop drinking? Fuck no. I excuse it because, technically, I have no breast tissue. A simple technicality. And probably completely baseless. I also excuse it because my harmful drinking days, while my breasts were forming, according to the article, before pregnancy, was many many years ago. And I didn't know. No one told me when I was 23 that three cocktails could maybe lead to breast cancer. Did drinking give me breast cancer? Oh, it's on the list of the many reasons I've identified. And if it did, it worked it's magic so many years ago.
What gives me the most pause about Mencimer's article is the fact that, yes, after educating myself about cancer after I was diagnosed at 36, I did know that alcohol does not help your health and that it is listed among the things that can contribute to cancer. But CAUSE cancer? Meh. Nah. Don't want to hear it. For me, over the years, I've found that alcohol can exacerbate depression, breed dark thoughts, and kill any motivation to exercise. Wine makes me eat bad food. Bad food makes me feel worse. I quit drinking to get a hold of depression and anxiety in June of 2005 for the six months leading up to being diagnosed with breast cancer (coincidentally). At the time, I also made the rule, which I have stuck to, that I Shall Not Drink When Depressed or Stressed or Unhappy. I do follow that rule still and I think it helps.
Have I told people about this article, which confirmed my suspicions about so many things to do with "big alcohol"? I did send it to my female blood relatives. I did not post it on my Facebook — oddly, it seemed too personal. I did, with purpose, condense it for my daughter, who is high risk for breast cancer (family history) and hasn't started drinking yet.
Is alcohol for breast cancer like cigarettes are for lung cancer? For some people, for sure. Should everyone I know who drinks, drink less? I am sure that it would not hurt them to do so. Same for me. As I said, last month, while relaxing in bed after attending a party and not having a sip of alcohol: Man, I LOVE it when I don't drink.
Because of my health history and my “weird eating habits,” I have been asked point blank by friends about how I think they should handle their various health issues and have witnessed the blank stares because, with my innocent and heartfelt recommendation, I have crossed the line of what they will or will not do in the name of feeling better. For instance, when I suggest that taking a week or two break from drinking (WHAT?! QUIT WINE!? NO FUCKING WAY!) or lay off of the dairy for a month they go into a trance and I lose them. I am lucky -- I, for whatever reason, do not harbor many attachments to food or drink. As my husband says, I can "abnormally" quit or start things, cold turkey. I can decide not to drink wine for a month, and I don't. I can cut dairy. I haven't had bacon purposefully since 2005. Most people are not me.
We live, now, in 2019, surrounded by alcohol. Don’t notice all of the plugs, celebrations, or advertisements for drinky culture? Try quitting alcohol for a week and you will. Girls Night Out has wine. Women need wine. Wine Wednesday?! What do you do at night, out on the town, if you’re not drinking? GAH! I dare say that our culture celebrates drinking alcohol. Expects women to need alcohol (oh man, our lives are hard and we are so busy and I need to destress with a glass of wine and I can’t even cook if I don’t have wine). And never talks about alcohol as a drug — unless you teeter over the tipping point into talking about alcoholism, which is completely different and you’re not one, right? It’s funny — I’ve noticed that no one ever thinks they drink as much as the next person. You know, that person, who polishes off a 1/2 bottle or bottle of wine a night, every night. But, that’s just because they LIKE wine. It very well might be. And it might be absolutely just fine for them. But: cancer, depression, brain fog, sleepless nights, hormonal disruption, bloating, and all of the other human body complications that alcohol can cause. Everyone is different. And everyone, I argue, should know how they feel after they haven’t had a drop of alcohol for six weeks, at least once in their life.
Where am I with drinking right now? Yesterday I decided that drinking makes me both stupid and sad so I stopped for the week. However, I am very much into having a margarita on May 5. It’s a tussle.
* What I call myself, to my sister and husband, when I'm "boring" and only having one drink like an old lady named Mille (apologies to all of you Millies out there -- Millie is a great name.)
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January 2019 Update: My husband stopped drinking for an entire year starting December 26, 2018. It’s going really well. He looks fabulous. Weight is dripping off. His eyes are brighter and his moods are better. He even seems less stressed. And holy crap are we saving money on our grocery bills! As a result, I’m hardly drinking. I feel fantastic. This is a hard time of year for me and I think not drinking will help me get through it. And as I said the other morning, “MAN, I sleep SO MUCH BETTER when I’m not drinking!”
Link to article: Did Drinking Give Me Breast Cancer